Sunday, September 29, 2013


There are a few times when the boyfriend and I just don't see eye-to-eye.  I know, shocking, right? Disagreement in a relationship? Totally a new thing.

Long story short, the boyfriend used to be Mormon.  He converted in college but has long since "left" the church.  By left I mean stopped attending and has come to the conclusion that he doesn't hold those beliefs anymore.  It's not like he sent them a letter or made a big deal out of it.

While I'm not a fan of organized religion in general, I try and have a "live and let live" policy to life.  You can believe whatever you'd like, and as long as you don't try and force me to do the same or get the government to legislate based on your belief system, we're cool.  I might even engage in some debateful conversation if it's done in a spirit of learning (not conversion) and you don't mind me recommending some Christopher Hitchens books.

However, something that totally goes against my policy of "live and let live" is the practice of knocking on people's doors on the weekend and attempting to gain access to their house in order to talk to them about religion.

The southerner in me finds showing up uninvited INCREDIBLY rude and the Texan in me hates uninvited people on my property.

We've been living under the Mormon siege for a few months now.  Prior to the Great Shacking Up, the boyfriend lived in a third floor condo with an interior door.  That means in order to get to his front door, you had to gain entry into the condo building itself.  My personal theory is this prevented many Mormon visits.  But now they've found him.

It started out by them leaving cookies and notes "We heart the <boyfriend's last name> family!!".  I found this note in the trash where the boyfriend had tossed it.  I'm still debating if he honestly thought nothing of it or attempted to hide it because he knew it would freak me out.  It totally freaked me out because #1, it's massively creepy and #2 shows a terrible lack of research on their part.  Housing records are public and the house is in my name.  We are not the "boyfriend's last name-family".  When we refer to our household, we hyphenate.

Since then they've left us more notes and visited twice (that I know of).  The first time I answered the door and they asked me if I was "Sister Boyfriend's-last-name".  Nope.  Wrong on at least two counts there.  Now I'm pretty sure they think I'm the boyfriend's ex-wife, which annoys me on new and interesting levels.

I kept telling them that we weren't interested and to please have a nice day while slowly closing the door.  They tried the brilliant tactic of "if you just let us in, we can take you off our list".  Nope, nice try kid.  Get off my lawn.

It's my theory that they think I'm some crazy harpy and if only they could talk to the boyfriend alone then they could save him and they keep coming back in an attempt to do so.  The boyfriend thinks that they keep coming by because that's what they do.  If he's right this means I'm going to try extra hard to earn crazy harpy status.  If anyone is up to the challenge, it's me.  Except for today.

They stopped by again today and I refused to answer the door, I was enjoying my day off while watching The Colbert Report and eating caprese salad in my bathrobe.  No way was I going to deal with Mormon teenagers trying to get into my house to talk to me about religion.  I was way too tired to attempt to earn crazy harpy status, which is pretty damn tired.

Strange fact that I'm still researching - they signed their note "The Elders", now the people who knocked on my door were clearly teenagers.  Since when are kids "elders"? This makes zero sense to me.  Also, people should not send children to deal with grouchy me.

How do I get this to stop?  How do they think it's OK to keep knocking on my door interrupting my weekend?

This really is starting to annoy the crap out of me.  They boyfriend thinks I'm nuts for getting so alternately creeped out and annoyed.  I think he's nuts for just assuming that Mormons are going to constantly visit us and that he's OK with this.

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