Saturday, September 7, 2013

I blame the Puritans ... or the Victorians, still debating which

In a sudden Saturday-related influx of free time, I found myself watching videos on the internet, like ya do.  At some point in the past week (two weeks? It's been a blur) my office was all "Miley Cyrus, blah blah blah" and "ass, blah blah blah".  Because I run around like a crazy person all day at work, I didn't pay much attention.  Since I have nothing to do but clean my house and procrastinate today, I found myself looking up the video.

I found it here

The video is titled "Watch Miley Cyrus' Childhood-Ruining VMAs Performance". Whose childhood? I somehow doubt someone else's performance would ruin my childhood. And I *think* Miley Cyrus is about 20 something, so her childhood is also over. Did she dance so poorly that she traveled back through time and ruined her own childhood?

I just don't get it.

It's really not that bad.

It's the Music Video Awards.  On MTV.  Now I haven't watched MTV in a long time and I'm pretty much completely out of their demographic, but I used to watch it back in the 90's when it was super wholesome and only encouraged rampant ass-shaking on Spring Break.  You know, in moderation.  Anyone who was surprised about ass-shaking on MTV has just come out of a really long coma.  

Second, she was dancing around to Blurred Lines, a song that comes with an x-rated music video.  

I hate this song.  Not because it's misogynistic, or because I don't like Robin Thicke's singing, but because it contains this lyric: "You wanna hug me? ... What rhymes with hug me".  Am I so old that there's a new slang word for bone that rhymes with hug and I don't know it??? Or does Robin Thicke NOT KNOW WHAT RHYME MEANS????  

Third, I'm pretty sure that everyone who is currently getting the vapors over this has had the same conversation about Madonna, Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, etc. etc.  Remember that time Elvis wiggled his hips and it made all the girls want to have sex???? 


Seriously people, get over it.  We were all 20 once and found ourselves newly sexual beings awash in hormones.  "But she was so slutty, and on TV too!!"  Whatever.  I don't see the big deal about being slutty vs not being slutty.  It's an arbitrary distinction.  I have two rules about sex 1) wear a condom and 2) don't be a jackass.  Can we all stop stigmatizing sexual behavior? There's nothing wrong with it, we all come from a long line of sex-having people.  Sex isn't wrong, or dirty.  It's awesome, and when done with someone with whom you share mutual respect, it's super fun as well.  If some girl wants to grind on some guy dressed as Beetlejuice on national TV, go for it.  If you don't want to watch, don't watch.  

For the record, I wasn't a fan of the performance.  Not because I was offended, but because that was seriously weak ass-shaking.  Twerking has been around for a while now (20 years?) and professional dancers can do some seriously amazing things with their butts.  Can Miley jiggle one cheek at a time? Can she jiggle while doing the splits?  If you're going to call something twerking, please actually twerk and leave me amazed at the skill level involved.  Please read up on Big Freedia

Someone, I forget who, asked me if I had a daughter, would I let her do that on TV.  My answer was absolutely no, we have standards in this family.  If my daughter is going on TV to shake her ass, that better be ass Cirque du Soleil.  She better do things her mother can't do.  

Also, it worked.  We just had a Miley Cyrus conversation, which before this ass-related incident, would never have happened.  

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